“Drowning and Exploding at the Same Time”: Reframing Maternal Rage in Clinical Practice
- Mindy Wara
- Jun 2
- 4 min read
Updated: Jun 3
Why Maternal Rage Deserves Clinical Attention
While maternal rage won’t be found as a formal diagnosis in the DSM-5, it is a daily reality for many parents. It’s more than a fleeting reaction - it’s a persistent, embodied experience that can feel both overwhelming and unspeakable.
As therapist and educator, Nicole McNelis, M.Ed., NCC, LPC, PMH-C, explains:
“Maternal rage is a rational response to feelings of powerlessness and injustice in motherhood.”
It is not a personal failing or sign of being a bad parent. It is a signal that deserves our attention in the therapy space.
Naming What Has Always Been There
While maternal rage has existed for generations, it’s long been deemed too taboo to discuss openly. However, as conversations surrounding mental health in general began to change during the early months of the COVID-19 pandemic, have conversations about maternal rage.
“All of a sudden… everybody was back home and there was this sense of overwhelm and overstimulation, fear and anxiety… All of those feelings lead to rage, specifically maternal rage because a lot of the labor was placed on mothers: the schooling, the paid work, the household work.” Nicole explains.
“We were experiencing it more, it was being covered more, and it became more a part of the larger conversation.”
What had once been unspeakable was now showing up everywhere from social media to therapy sessions.
Understanding the Stages of Maternal Rage
Maternal rage often appears sudden, but beneath the outburst is a layered, patterned process. In 2022 their article, Seeing Red: A Grounded Theory Study of Women’s Anger after Childbirth, Ou et al. offer a way to conceptualize how anger develops, escalates, and is managed in the postpartum period.
The process begins with two interrelated triggers: compromised needs and violated expectations. These conditions set the stage for irritability, or becoming “on edge.” From there, anger is managed through either outward expression or inward suppression, with the outcomes often shaped by internalized beliefs and available support.
Understanding this cyclical process helps us reflect on maternal rage, not as a clinical outlier, but a human response to sustained emotional depletion. Most importantly, it helps us shift the narrative from “What’s wrong with me?” to “What’s happening around me?”
How It Shows Up in Sessions
Maternal rage rarely enters a session at full volume. More often, it arrives in a whisper, carried in through clenched jaws, apologetic glances, or quiet confessions.
“They’ll preface it with, ‘Please don’t think I’m a bad mom,’” Nicole shares, “There’s so much fear about what their anger means.”
One client’s words have stayed with her:
“It feels like drowning and exploding at the same time.”
This analogy captures what many clients describe: being flooded by needs, noise, and pressure while holding back a tidal wave of emotions. Rage is often masked by guilt or softened by shame, but when it’s named, it can become a powerful turning point.
Unlearning the Myths that Fuel Shame
In her clinical experience, Nicole often hears the same misconceptions time and again. “The first one is that maternal rage is a personal failing, and the second one is that maternal rage makes you a bad mother.”
Neither is true. These beliefs often keep clients silent. They also reinforce the cultural pressure to do everything and hold it all together, no matter the cost.
Research backs up what Nicole sees in practice. A grounded theory study found that postpartum anger was often rooted in sleep disruption, lack of support, and feelings of being unseen or dismissed (Ou et al., 2022). The rage wasn’t irrational. It was a response to an unsustainable situation.
“When I talk to clients about how their environment is impacting them… that in and of itself is an intervention.”
When Validation Isn’t Enough
Validation is essential. It reduces shame and signals that the therapeutic relationship can hold what a client is carrying. But for many of Nicole’s clients, it isn’t enough.
“I knew that I needed to go beyond that to really help clients manage maternal rage.”
Our clients need practical, accessible strategies that fit into their already overloaded lives. To meet these needs, Nicole integrates cognitive and somatic techniques that make space for nervous system regulation, emotional capacity, and small moments of relief.
“They were so relieved to know that help existed and that they weren’t alone.”
What Colleagues Are Asking
In discussion with peers, Nicole is frequently asked two questions: “What causes maternal rage?” and “What do we do with it?” These questions form the foundation of her course, Maternal Rage: Implications & Interventions.
Designed with the therapist’s experience in mind, this training explores maternal rage from two angles: the internal emotional landscape and the external systems that shape it.
Maternal Rage: Implications & Interventions
🗓 June 24, 2025
Understand maternal rage, its triggers, and its ties to perinatal mental health. Learn evidence-based interventions to support clients effectively and with compassion.
Led by Nicole McNelis, M.Ed., NCC, LPC, PMH-C, this training offers immediately applicable tools - grounded in research and refined through years of clinical experience.
Maternal rage is not a disruption to the therapeutic process - it’s an invitation.
When clients bring this intensity into the room, they’re showing us what’s been unmet, unseen, and unsustainable. Our role is not to quiet the rage, but to understand it and offer support that is attuned, responsive, and deeply human.
References
Ou, C. H. K., Hall, W. A., Rodney, P., & Stremler, R. (2022). Seeing Red: A Grounded Theory Study of Women’s Anger after Childbirth. Qualitative Health Research, 32(12), 1780–1794. https://doi.org/10.1177/10497323221120173
Comentários