Supporting NICU Parents Through Trauma and Transformation

What happens when birth doesn’t follow the expected path? And how can we, as mental health professionals, offer support and help families make sense of the grief, fear, and identity shifts that follow?

In her recent appearance on the Seeing Ability podcast, clinical psychologist, perinatal expert, and Touchstone Founder & Director Mara Tesler Stein shares her own personal and professional reflections on parenting through medical trauma, navigating complex postpartum experiences, and the long arc of adjustment for NICU families.

Watch Mara’s full interview on the Seeing Ability podcast.

“The assumption is is that the parent is just going to do the things that are needed… it’s really when parents meltdown, when they hit the wall, that somebody pays attention.” – Mara Tesler Stein, PsyD, PMH-C

For providers supporting NICU families, Mara’s conversation is a critical reminder: trauma doesn’t end at discharge. It evolves. And when the trauma is quiet, cumulative, or socially minimized, as is often the case with NICU hospitalizations and complicated postpartum journeys, it can be harder to recognize and treat.

Parents may feel betrayed by their experience. Many followed every “rule” for a healthy pregnancy, only to face preterm birth, medical complications, or separation from their newborn. In the aftermath, feelings of guilt, shame, and helplessness are common. These emotional wounds can linger for years if unacknowledged.

Attuning to the Parent’s Experience

Clinicians can offer support by providing trauma-informed therapy that centers the parent’s emotional reality, not just the baby’s medical outcomes. Naming the losses and ruptures, and offering the opportunity for reprocessing, allows parents to integrate their experience and evolving identity, both as an individuals and as caregivers.

Mara also speaks to the importance of disentangling the parent’s identity from the child’s experience, especially when ongoing medical or developmental differences persist. This work takes time, nuance, and therapeutic trust; but it’s essential for long-term healing.

“We’re not getting dragged along our child’s journey. We have our own developmental journey as parents, too.” – Mara Tesler Stein, PsyD, PMH-C

Clinical Tools for NICU-Informed Therapy

For therapists looking to deepen their skills in this area, Mara’s on-demand course, NICU Parenting: A Practitioner’s Guide to Working with Families in the NICU and Beyond, is a valuable resource. Co-taught with developmental psychologist Deborah L. Davis, PhD, this training equips clinicians to support NICU parents with clarity, insight, and compassion. The course includes guidance on trauma-informed language, grief work, family systems, and long-term adjustment.

NICU Parenting: A Practitioner’s Guide to Working with Families in the NICU and Beyond

▶️ On-Demand

Gain essential skills to support NICU families with confidence.

BEGIN THE TRAINING

NICU parenting is never just a medical experience; it’s an emotional, often disorienting journey that reshapes identity, attachment, and expectations. As mental health professionals, our presence in that process can be a stabilizing force. When we attune to the parent’s story and hold space for the complex feelings that arise, we help lay the groundwork for healing. Mara’s reflections remind us that when we see the parent as a whole person, not only a caregiver, we open the door to deeper compassion, connection, and repair.